Self-Reflection

Self-Reflection

How many times have we talked about the new normal since our lives changed when we said good bye to our spouse?  Are you able to look back at what you went through and relate to what the world is going through lately?   How has your life changed in the last month?  Are you going just a little stir crazy?

We have no idea how long this current journey is going to go on, but what have we learned about our new normal?  I could list a ton of questions that have gone through my head!!    As I sort them out, probably the biggest thing I reflect on is what changes I want to make in my life...  I’ve thought about the busyness in my life before the coronavirus and was looking forward to not being so busy.  But what was I going to eliminate……  How was I going to change my new normal?

After Dan died, I found myself wrapped up in all that needed to be done, which seemed at the time to be a lot.  I was also blessed in my life with many friends and family that made sure I was not alone very often.  But then, I realized I was keeping so busy that I was unable to deal with my grief.  At that point I knew I needed to slow down and reflect on what was important to me and what was not.  In Deuteronomy 31:6 it reads:  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  When I think back to that time, there were probably people that I offended by stepping back but I came to the conclusion it was about me at the time and if they were to be in my life, they would come back into my life.   Most did……

In chatting with many of you over time, you have felt the same way.  Many of you have completed some major cleaning of your house, basement, garage or storage shed in your back yard.  For those that have done this or are in the process of doing that, great job!  Many have caught up on your reading or are reading a lot more or doing puzzles.  I have caught up on cleaning out files and cleaning files off of my laptop.

To be honest, what is next?   Have you sorted through any ideas?  Have you felt God nudging you along the way as to what He has for you?  Maybe during this time you have been able to do more things that you enjoy, such as walking, biking or reconnected with old or new friends via the phone, email, texting, and facetiming or zooming.  Or perhaps writing a letter, sending a note or a card to someone new or a friend.

There is not a need to hurry into a decision on what you want to do.  As we rely on what God may have us do, II Peter 3:9 reads: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.  For me being patient isn’t always easy, but resting in the assurance that God has me helps for sure!

May you trust in God to help you with what you are going through at this time! If you are making any decisions, I pray you lean on Him for strength.   Rest in Him as Psalms 18:32 reads:  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.

Blessings to each of you.   Remember God is with you each step of the way.    Just believe in Him!

Riding out the Storm

Riding Out The Storm….

Life in general has often times runs smoothly and then at times, we have several bumps in the road.  My thought was, there is probably a meaning out there on what ‘riding out the storm’ means.   Here is what I found:  To deal with a difficult situation without being harmed or damaged too much.  It was a difficult time but they managed to ride out the storm.

Our lives normally seem to have their ups and downs.   Throw in the loss of a spouse – things really change!  In time, we seem to be doing pretty well in our new ‘normal’.  During our process of learning to live without our spouse, we do learn to adjust.  Then we are thrown a ‘new normal’ which effects so many people and we have to adjust once again.  One of God’s promises is from Psalm 107:29:  He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

As we go through these storms in life, how do we react or how do we get through them?  With the Coronavirus that has effected the world, we truly have to learn how to handle things so differently.   More so than we ever thought with being instructed to ‘stay at home’.  Thank goodness we have some exceptions such as getting essentials, going out for a drive or going for walks but keeping a six foot distance from other. 

There are so many questions each of us have.   Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, we each handle things differently.   With what has happened to us in the past, I hope we can reflect on those things to remember how we handled them and how that can apply to what we are currently going through.  

Feeling isolated and alone can be overwhelming……   There are so many options we have today even though we are staying inside.   There are several ways to stay connect.  We have social media – which can be good and bad.  There is our home phones, cell phones, facetime so we can see each other. There are applications such as Skype or Zoom where one can have several people on a call at one time to stay connected. 

What have you found that works for you?  Regardless of what you are going through, it is so important to stay connected with family and friends.  We do not need a ton of people in our lives but a few to help us get through these times. 

For me, keeping God as my focal person to go to, no matter what I am going through is where I go to first.  He is always there for me!  Yet sometimes I can be so impatient and I wonder if He is ever going to be there for me.  Psalm 89:8-9 reads:  Who is like you, Lord God Almighty?  You, Lord, are mighty, and you faithfulness surrounds you.  You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them. 

During the uncertain times in our lives, when things do not seem to go our way, God is always with us.  My prayer is that you rely on Him.   No matter what we are dealing with, with God’s help and the help of those close to us, we will get through get through these uncertain times.

My prayer is you feel God’s arms wrapped around you.  If you know of someone who has walked down the path of widowhood, don’t hesitate to reach to them.  If you are feeling isolated or alone, please reach out to someone you trust...

Blessings and hugs to each of you!

Are you feeling blessed?

Are you feeling blessed?

I wonder how many will look at this title and shut down thinking – I’ve lost my husband and I see no blessing in that!  Perhaps we may hear this word used loosely.  Truly my hope is each of you feel blessed or eventually will feel God’s blessing in your life. 

My mother’s favorite scripture was Psalms 103:1-6 which reads:  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles. The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. (ESV)   The night she passed away, her bible was opened up to this passage!

As you are healing from your loss, each day certainly has its ups and downs.  My prayer is you will eventually see more ups than downs.   Are you able to look at your journey and see any ‘blessings’ that has helped you to with a better attitude, put a smile on your face or think how you may help someone else on this journey?  We certainly cannot bring our loved ones back, but through our faith in God, He has given us this promise.  1 Peter 5:10 (ESV) reads:  And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Many times when I am feeling down or wondering where God is, this scripture that meant so much to my mom, comes to my mind.  You may have a scripture that you refer to when you are wondering where God is, I would love to hear your blessing.

Perhaps you are in the part of your grief where you are unable to think about blessing others.  However, you may have seen how others have helped you along the way, and you are ready to bless someone. 

Regardless if we have been widowed or are just going through a tough time in our life, God promises to walk with us in the midst of what we are going through.  Psalms 138:7 reads:  Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life. You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me. (NIV)

My challenge to you is to reflect on how others have blessed you.   Thinking on that, how may you bless someone today or tomorrow and help them along their journey?

May you feel God’s arms wrapped around you!  May you feel His love!  May you share His love and blessings with others!!!

Old Plans and New Plans?

Old Plans and New Plans???

What comes to mind when you think about dreams?   As a small child, we all probably dreamt of what we wanted to become.  The dreams were endless!  A lot of those dreams were shattered due to reality.   However, as we grew older we became more realistic of what we wanted to do with our lives and we began to live our dreams.

 

So many things change for each of us over the years.   We often planned for our future.  Many went off to college or trade school.  Others got married and started their families.   Jobs often cause us to move away from family for more opportunities.  Christina Rasmussen said – “When the dream that was, no longer can be, you have to dream a different dream.” 

Many of our dreams did come true!   As we look back at those dreams, it certainly puts a smile on your face.   But for those dreams that did not come true, it can take quite a while to except what did not come true.  C.S. Lewis has said – “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” 

The life we had planned for our “golden years” are not necessarily golden.  What were your dreams?  How have you worked through your disappointments?  Life can be disappointing and we often wonder what we can do going forward.  In thinking things through, do you sense a new beginning?   We cannot change what has happened but we can rely on God to help us through this journey to hear/see what He has for us to do.

May I suggest you share with someone you trust to talk through your good times and bad times.   Philippians 4:14 reads: Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.  Perhaps talk through your new dreams and discuss what you may want to do going forward.

As you prayerfully seek what your next steps are, Psalms 25:4-5 reads:  “Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

I have always been a dreamer…….   Sometimes my dreams are very unrealistic and other times, they are very driven by how I can help others.   Usually, I need to sort out was is realistic and what my talents really are.  Where does God want me?   Where does God want you?  It may be as simple as sharing your story with another widow.  Maybe just getting those out of the house for coffee, lunch or a little shopping may do the trick.

Augustine once said - Hope is a waking dream.   Maybe you are that person to give someone the dream of hope!

Blessings to each of you.   Dream small or big!   God has plans for you!!!!!

Reminiscing/Remembering

Reminiscing/Remembering

What does the New Year look like for you?   Are you dreading it or looking forward to it?  Do you have hopes or dreams?  What would you like to change?  This last question may be difficult especially if you have gone through a big change in your life. 

A few years ago, I attended a seminar on navigating the Seasons of Life.  Depending on your stage of life, you may have gone through several stages.  Some of the things we talked about were soul searching, looking back from our early years of life and thinking about each decade of our lives.  Towards the end of the seminar, we were encouraged to write a letter to ourselves as if we were 18 years old and base the letter on what we had learned throughout our lives – both positive and negative.  The one thing that helped me was giving myself advice as an 18 year old based on what I had learned.

As I was writing ‘my letter’ it has caused me to reflect on so many things in my life.  One scripture that says it all to me is:  Proverbs 27:19 reads:  As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. This certainly hit home to me. 

We certainly cannot go back and change what has happened.  However, we certainly can reflect and with the guidance from God, listen to what He has for us.  How can we help others based on what we have gone through?

For many of you this is a concept that may seem too difficult to even think about.  You may be in the depth of your grief or life is just too hard to imagine going forward with a new journey alone.  God promises in Hebrews 13:5b: Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

Consider taking a look backwards to move forwards…….

• Based on your early years and what you know now, what advice would you give yourself as an 18 year old?
• Make a list of changes in your life since then.  Things such as moves, marriage, children, highlights from those you have lost.
• Where are you at in your life within the last few years?
• What positive things have happened since your loss?

Remember we cannot change what has happened!  However, with God’s help, we can become what God has planned for us in our future.  John 14:26 reads:  But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

Be patient with yourself and take one step at a time!  Before you know it, you will be helping someone who is going on this journey and looking for advice.  Luke 1:37 says:  For the work of God will never fail.  God’s timing may not be our timing but His timing is perfect.

Blessings to each of you……..

Changing Traditions???

Changing Traditions???

This year Thanksgiving is later which seems to put less time to prepare before Christmas arrives!  Normally I would fret about not being organized and wondering if I was going to get everything done.  For some reason, this year I am not fretting but looking forward to spending the holidays with my children and their families.

As a child, I remember Christmas being so special.   There was always the anticipation of having all of our family home.  On Christmas Day, my dad would harness up the horses, attach the sleigh to them and we would be gone all afternoon.  Below is a picture of my dad, one of my brothers, two nieces and a nephew.

As we all grew up and had families of our own, some of our traditions changed.  My parents moved from our hobby farm in Coon Rapids, MN to Minneapolis, MN and the horses were sold.  Our families grew and to try to find a place to get together was difficult.  Besides that, many moved out of Minnesota due to jobs.

For myself, I wanted to keep the tradition of having Christmas Eve in our home and we did.  However, that tradition changed with the loss of Dan.  What traditions do we keep and what new traditions do we try?

Our lives have changed and it will never be the same.   As difficult as that may sound, what would your loved one want you to do?   Would they want you to change things up?  Would they want you to keep things the same?  Probably not!  What they most likely would like is for you to remember them and not forget the love they had for your family.  One of the promises from the Bible that I have learned over the years comes from Psalms 34:18 (Good News Translation) which reads:  The LORD is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.

Over time our traditions have changed especially over the holidays.  Not all of my children live in Minnesota, so we often travel to where they live.  Unfortunately, not every year for every holiday are we together.  I will admit – that one was one change that took me the longest to get used to.  For those of us who are together, we still get together on Christmas Eve for dinner and gift opening.  Christmas Day is more relaxed than it used to be.   Our dinners have also changed from having a big dinner to appetizers or sometimes both. 

Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to change things.  It may take a while to figure out what may or may not work for you.  Another one of the great promises God had for us comes from Matthew 11:28 which reads:  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Perhaps another word for rest would be peace. 

May I suggest a few options?  Below are a few possibilities for you this year or the coming years.   Nothing needs to change or perhaps you need a change. 

• Break a tradition:
• If you have been the host to holiday’s in the past, suggest to one of you children or other family member host these first few holidays.
• Invite another person to your holiday who is also alone.
• Perhaps this year is just too difficult to be with others, give yourself permission to spend it alone.

• Remembering your spouse:
• Put together a memory book of your spouse.  You may also invite others to add memories to this book.  This doesn’t need to be just for the holidays but can be for all year long.
• Make or purchase decorations in honor of you loved one.
• Continue to hang the stocking of your loved one.  Let your guests know ahead of time to bring a written note of your loved one and put it in their stocking.  Take turns pulling the memories out of the stocking and read them.  Hopefully, you will have some happy memories that will make you laugh and sometimes cry.
• Donate to a charity of your choice in honor of your loved one.

• What about you?
• Perhaps schedule a massage, pedicure or manicure for yourself. 
• It’s ok to turn down events that you are having a difficult time deciding if you want to attend.
• Be open with your family and friends on what you are feeling.  Unless they have been in your shoes, they may not understand your choices.

God’s promise is to be there for us.  He gave us the promise of the birth of Jesus in Isaiah 7:14:  Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign.  The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and he will be called Immanuel.  As with the promise of Jesus birth from the Old Testament to the reality of the New Testament, we have the hope that we will see our loved ones again!

My prayer for each of you is to find peace in this Christmas season.  Those that have gone before us are always in our hearts!

Merry Christmas!

A little bit of heaven….

A little bit of heaven….

While shopping with some friends in Iowa over the weekend, we stopped in a craft store and saw a sign which said “Because someone we love is in heaven, there’s a little bit of heaven in our home.”  One of my friends said, “This applies to the organization you are involved with.”  It certainly does, but it also applies to other loses, not just the loss of a spouse.

These friends and I have known each other for about 40 – 45 years and there isn’t much we do not know about each other.  Our husbands meet in the military and we became friends quickly.  I love how we can share so many things together – the good, the bad and the ugly without any judgment. 

We often have some pretty deep discussions of faith, but I do not recall the conversation of heaven in our homes regarding those who have gone before us.  Even though I often think about those who have gone before me, I hadn’t thought of a part of them actually being in my home.  But what a sweet thought! 

There are many scriptures regarding those who have gone before us and the mourning we go through during a loss.  My thought goes to the Beatitudes which Matthew 5:4 reads:  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. For me there is so much peace knowing God promises to comfort us. 

When we think about those we love, they are always in our hearts.  When you think about it, as long as our heart is beating, they are always with us.  Just thinking of this, seems to help us get through this time.   For those who have children and grandchildren with your spouse, there seems to be things that always remind us of them. 

One of my past times is working on genealogy.  About a year ago, my daughter-in-law had sent me pictures of her sons (my grandsons) school pictures.  As I had been going through old pictures of my late husband’s family, I came across a picture of Dan at the same age as one of my grandson’s.  Oh wow – the resemblance was unbelievable!   In watching my son’s walk, and how noticing how much they walk just like their dad.  Also, my daughter will say a phrase that reminds me of something he would say. 

Knowing that we will see our loved ones again, is another comfort.  Another one of the reminders which God tells us of is:  1 Thessalonians 4:17 reads:   After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

I have been blessed with many special people in my life who have walked down many journeys with me.  Many times it has been a two way street for us.  However, the one who has had the most influence in my life is the one who I have put my hope and trust in, which is Christ.

If you are struggling with something in your life, I pray you seek guidance with someone who can help you.  Please contact someone you trust or can count on to help you along this journey.   Perhaps it is a good friend, a minister or priest, or a counselor.  

I hope and pray you have memories of your loved ones in your heart that puts a smile on your face and you sense a little bit of heaven in your home.  One more promise for you:   1 Corinthians 6:14 reads:  And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Blessings to each of you!!!!!