Memories.....

Memories….  

With it being Memorial Day weekend, I am reminded of what this holiday means to me.  It reminds me of what I have because of our freedoms as a nation and what we can learn from it. I am one who loves to have my flag hanging outside my front door and it reminds me of keeping my son in my prayers on a regular basis and freedom. 

Also, as a child I remember my parents having their flag blowing in the breeze and because it was a holiday, we often had a picnic where we would invite other family or friends.  However, I do not remember this holiday being a solemn holiday at that time.  As I grew older, it did become as a reminder of things happening in our world as I had three older brothers who served their country, one during the Korean War and two during the Viet Nam War.  I remember how this effected my mom wondering if her boys would come home safely.  The faith she had was amazing and she believe God was in charge.  All three of my brothers returned home safely.

Years later, the man I married came from a military family.   My father-in-law was career military, as well as my husband and one of our son’s is currently career military. During our marriage, we were fortunate that Dan did not have to leave the States to serve our country.  However, he was involved with the Gulf War in the early 1990’s. I remember being pretty frazzled about the ‘what ifs’.  Our son has served four tours and each time it doesn’t get easier for this momma.  However, as I remember my own mother praying for God’s direction in her life and for her children, I find myself relying on God’s direction for my son’s life as well. 

I am proud of each of my children for the careers which they have chosen.  With this holiday, it makes me more aware of what my son is doing for others and makes me nervous as he is in arms way. 

As I think of the memories of what was before Dan’s death, I’m reminded of many terrific things that have happened in our lives but that doesn't mean there were times that not everything was terrific.  God has promises he is near us as in Psalms 2:18 reads:  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Each of our journeys are different…..  Some of you may have lost a loved one in circumstances which have not been easy to except.  Some of you lost your spouse to a long lengthy disease.  Others lost your spouse very quickly. 

Whether our tragedies were under good circumstances or painful circumstances, our God is with us.  Isiah 41:10 reads:  Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

As time goes on, it seems I remember more of the good memories than those that are not so good.  I trust and pray as you travel this journey, you will also remember the good things and the bad memories will fade away.  

Hugs and prayers to each of you…….

Wow this room is huge…

Wow this room is huge…

Have you walked into a room full of people for the first (or several) times and thinking – this place is so big and I don’t think I can do this….   That first time when you go to an event, family function, dinner party……  Those first few times when you had to talk yourself into going because you just knew you had to take that first step…..  You wonder if you can do it or you walk in and think you cannot do it and want to walk out but you know you have to try to make that first attempt……

One of the first events I had been invited to after Dan died was a wedding of all things.  It took me quite a while before I sent the RSVP.  Weddings seemed to be were the hardest to attend and sometimes still are.   It’s not the wedding that is difficult, it’s the reception or dance that often follows which is difficult.  Fortunately, I had been invited to attend another event that same evening.  I knew most of the people attending that event were single and not a couple event.  So I did attend the wedding, the dinner and excused myself after dinner to attend the other event.

There comes a time when you just know you need to take that step.  Perhaps for those first few times you may need a plan.  Some ideas may be:

• ·         If possible bring a friend with you.
• ·         Set a time limit to being there.
• ·         Arrive late or plan on leaving early.
• ·         If the function is a sit down gathering, make plans to meet someone there to sit with.
• ·         The first time you go to church, sit with someone you know.
• ·         Have an alternative plan in case you feel you need a reason to leave.

It certainly isn’t easy making that first step.  However, God has promised us in Psalm 28:7:  The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him and I am helped.  After that first event on my own, I know I could do it but I also knew I truly had to rely on God to help me through it.  I knew for me the time had for me to decide if I was going to stay stuck or in a rut by staying home alone or trust God would see me through getting out. 

I will admit, I was ready to get home later that evening and the next day, I stayed home all day.  But I did realize that I did get out and I did just fine.  Did I miss not being a couple to that wedding – certainly but with God’s help I did it.  Each time does get easier.

Is life always easy – absolutely not!  With God’s help all things are possible – Matthew 19:26.  Blessings to each of you.   May you feel God’s arms wrapped around you as you walk this new journey in your life!

When morning comes......

When morning comes…

As I thought about blogging this month, I had a few ideas and thoughts, Easter is right around the corner and thought how I do enjoy what this holiday means.  As I think about this holiday, there are so many emotions that go with this event.  

As Jesus was walking the earth at this time knowing that soon he would be put to death and rise again and yet he continued to minister to the people.  But how does one get beyond that when they are going through a tough time or the loss of a loved one.

I love the song by Guy Penrod called Then Came The Morning (you can check it out on www.youtube.com).  It is a song of hope for the future.  As we learn to live without our spouse, there are days when it seems impossible to look to the future.  However, the hope we have from the scriptures about seeing our love ones again, is what gives us hope.

One of the parables Jeses spoke of during this time was the parable of those putting money into the treasury at the Temple. This parable is found in Mark 12:41 – 44.  Jesus was sitting back and observing the crowd.  I am amazed how he noticed the poor widow and put in two small copper coins worth a fraction of a penny. He then called the disciples together and instead of making a big deal of the large amounts of money the rich were giving, he chose to speak of the widow.

This parable is not so much to me about the giving, but the hope that God gives us as widows.  He is looking out for us regardless of what we are in need of.  It’s not about what we do not have but the faith we have in Him that He will see us through no matter how little we may have.

As we walk day by day our journey which we travel, I pray you will find the peace and hope that Christ gives you to walk down this journey.  I realize the title of this blog is somewhat a play on words.  There is hope in the morning regarding our mourning.  There is hope! 

I have said many times that this isn’t the journey or club any of us ever wanted or thought we would have to travel.  However, I am thankful for those of you who have been there and continue to be there for those going down this path.  I’ve seen many of you go from not thinking you would ever smile again to helping a new widow grow and smile again. 

 

Blessings to each of you no matter how short or long your journey has been.   Remember God is with you even when you do not feel like He is.  

What’s next?!

What’s next?!

So where or how do you go from being married, to being a widow, to what is next in my life. What is your new role in life now that you are widowed?  That is a huge question when one has had their lives planned out for what seemed like forever.  For many of you there are still a ton of emotions which you are going through.  For others, you are beginning to think now what?  For others, you may be stepping forward to a new stage of your life to helping others.  For others, you may be dating. And for others, they have remarried.  

Now that the holidays are behind us, now what?  This can be a loaded question for sure!  Ever feel that way?  The holidays can be an emotional roller coaster.   Rest assured, the roller coaster ride does even out and life does become a new normal without as many highs and lows.  The journey may be different and you may realize that it’s time to figure out what it is next for you.   

Even though we are all at different stages of this journey, life is living all around us.  As you reevaluate your life since your loss, what can you reflect on that is positive?  What are your interests?  What are your gifts?  What tugs at your heart that you like to do?   Perhaps you love to work with children, volunteer for a local charity, help with those who have disabilities, perhaps you have a compassion for those walking the journey you have been walking down.

Are you ready to turn your hurting into hope?   John 14:27 reads:  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.  God promises to give us peace through our hurting.   I totally understand that this journey is a process.  Are you ready to go down the journey with hope?

I remember struggling with what was next for me…..  Within a couple of years after Dan died, our kids headed off to start their lives, one going off to start his career, one off to the Army and the last off to college.  For me, it wasn’t until I had an empty nest that I truly began to think about what was next for me.  I will admit it took me a long time to figure it out.  I was still working and had that to keep me going. 

Pretty soon my kids were getting married and had children to help with putting some fun with traveling along the way.  Oh I still do some traveling but now that I’m retired, I have found helping others with this journey is rewarding for me.

If you are ready, consider what may work for you and perhaps help others.  Perhaps sending a note or email to someone who is hurting or a note of thanks for a kind gesture or note you received from someone.  Sometimes it helps during our process to give thanks but it’s not always easy.  If you are not at that stage yet, it is perfectly understandable.

I can totally relate to your loss.  There are days when you are thinking, I just wish he was here with me to go out to dinner with or a movie.  The hope we have in Christ is we will see our husbands again.   Again – the hope we have in Christ. 

Many of you have found what you love doing in helping others.  Others are not ready for that yet.  Some of you will continue doing what you are doing as you are exactly where you are supposed to be. 

Wherever you are in your journey, I pray you find peace in your journey

Walking Down a New Journey!

Walking Down a New Journey!

As we think about the stages of life we have gone through, it seems there have been several stages of our life’s journey.  Now I’m not saying I’m old – however, some days I feel older than others or my grandkids remind me that my hair is graying so I must be getting old. 

As I think of my stages of my journey in life, it seems there have been several and many of you have had several.

• My early years from birth to graduation of high school.
• Adventures from graduation to marriage.
• My married years,
• Becoming a widow.
• Retirement years

As we go down the journey of life, each stage of our life has its ups and downs.  As we think back to our young lives thinking that life reflects around us.  Each of us has our own goods and bad of growing up.   We often think that when we become that adult at 18 that we are going to change the world or at least we are going to change how we tackle life. 

When I graduated from high school, instead of going off to college, I decided to make a big move from Minnesota to Florida.  I was going to ‘find myself’.  Little did I know that these next three years would be a great eye opener for me and I felt like I had taken the time to figure out who I was (or at least who I thought I was)?  It was a positive point in my life that I truly enjoyed

I moved back to Minnesota, met my husband on a blind date and we were married in May of 1973.  We had three children together who are amazing and have given me some pretty amazing grandchildren.

When Dan died in August of 1996, my world changed and the journey of life took a completely different look than what I had ever dreamed of.  It took several years for me to think about what I was going to do next. 

For so many widows, it can take anywhere from one – three years to get to know what their purpose of new journey will be.  Each of you will travel down this journey at a different pace.  There are so many things to sort through.   With a huge change of losing your spouse normal decisions can easily get lost in the pain and that is normal.   A few things to think of:

• Take care of yourself first.   You may feel you need to let go of some responsibilities that clog your life that are not really important.
• Do not ignore your health.   Exercise is important and releases stress.
• Consider a monthly massage or a pedicure for the lack of touch in your life.
• One thing I highly recommend is keeping a journal.  As you write your thoughts and feelings, as you go back and read them, you will help you see how you are healing emotionally.
•  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.   Those that love you will be there to help you with this journey.
•  It is recommended that you avoid making any major life changes for at least the first year.
•  If you are concerned about your job, perhaps talking to your HR department about taking a leave of absence or  reducing your hours for a period of time.
• You may want to contact your attorney about legal matters especially if you are unsure of where you are financially or legally.  If you have a trusted friend or family member, I would suggest they go with you to these types of appointment’s.

As you walk down this new journey of widowhood, Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us:  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.   As you heal, grow, live and eventually thrive.   Even though it seems like you are so alone on this journey, God is with you. 

Take a day at a time.  Find a widow or widow group to connect with to walk down this journey with.  The first year can be painful and if you have someone to walk the path with you, it will lighten your journey. 

There are many groups available to help you walk down this journey.  You may want to contact your local church, your local hospice care facility (https://www.hospicesect.org) or check on line at The Widow Might Organization (https://www.widowmight.org).

My prayer for each of you is that you take this new journey slowly and allow God to heal your heart.  May you find God’s peace in your daily life!

New Year Resolution’s – Or Not

New Year Resolution’s – Or Not

New Year’s resolutions are not something that I have ever taken seriously.  Probably because I can never keep them.  Perhaps I just do not have enough will power to keep them or it just doesn’t matter to me.

Looking back on 2016 and contemplating on what 2017 may bring, what would I change or could I change?  At this point, I  certainly cannot change anything from 2016 but there are possibilities for 2017.

For some reason as the year of 2016 closes, I decided to check into what this all means regarding making resolutions.  Making resolutions goes back about 4,000 years to the Babylonians who made promises to their gods at the start of each year that would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.  The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus which the month of January is named. 

There are similar religious parallels.  During Judaism’s New Year, from Rosh Hashanah through High Holiday and culminating Yom Kippur is to reflect upon one’s wrong doings over the year and both seek and offer forgiveness.  In the Christian liturgical season of Lent, the holiday is more of a sacrifice than of responsibility.  The idea, regardless of creed, is to reflect on self-improvement regularly.

That's it for your history lesson of Resolutions but it did get me thinking that there may be something to making New Year’s Resolutions!..  I do think it is a good idea to reflect on where we have been, where we might want to go and decide on how we want to get there. 

Perhaps 2016 was not a good year for you.  You may have lost someone very close to you.  Someone who you were hoping to spend the rest of your life with.  You may be think you have been robbed and perhaps you were.  So how does one handle New Year’s Resolutions?  I will admit and agree it isn’t easy.  Psalms 121:2 reads:  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  I often wonder how people handle great loss without God in their lives.   

Perhaps you are thinking – what would I choose for a new resolution this year?  Baby steps are the best.  What do you want to get through today or this week?  Where do you hope to be emotionally in six months or by next year?   Take it slow and take small steps.  Know that God is with you each step of the way!

With a New Year upon us, comes a new beginning – letting go what I cannot change and looking forward to what will become.  Perhaps by making a conscience decision to keep our eyes wide open to the positive changes that come into our lives.  Being aware of someone else in need to be there with a hug, a kind word or just to listen.

As you enter this New Year, may you feel God’s arms wrapped around you!

Blessings to you as you begin 2017.  

Holiday Ready or Not…

Holiday Ready or Not…

Holidays have always been an important part of our lives especially in our religious circles.  Growing up in a large family, we didn’t have much.  We did always have food on our table, clothes to wear and were loved.  It wasn’t until I was about eleven or twelve that I realized that there were a lot of others that had a lot more than I did.  I remember asking my mom why we only received one present as little kids when others received several.  Instead of focusing on what we didn’t have, my mom chose this as a lesson on what we did have.  As I grew older, I realized that little talk would do me more good than I would ever know. 

Holidays were always so special.  Being I was one of the younger siblings, it was sad for me as each of the older siblings move out of our home either to get married, go into the military or went off to work.  But each holiday, they would all come back home (except for those in the military) for the holiday meal.  Our table was always decorated with the 'good' dishes and a centerpiece tied to the holiday.  There was anticipation of others arriving and three of my dad’s sisters always joined us bringing treats.  Amazing how when we are young, life just floats by, everything seems so rosy.

With Thanksgiving behind us for this year and the Christmas holiday just around the corner, this can be the time of year that may be very difficult for many people.  I remember the first Thanksgiving as a teenager when two of my brothers were in the Army and stationed in Korea and one of my sister-in-law’s was tragically killed in a car accident on the way to church.  Oh how I question God about what He was thinking.  How could that happen!  Things like this were not supposed to happen.  But life does happen.  Many of you have lost a loved one that you were very close to.  You had plans for the future with them.  You had dreams.  

One verse that comes to mind is Psalm 34:18 which reads:  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.  What I like about this verse is the promise from God that He is there for you and I.  Does this mean it will be easy?  Absolutely not.  

It’s the small steps we take along the road.  The small reminder that God is with us.  The note you may receive in the mail.  The phone call from a friend or family member.  A text message or an email.  A smile or that hug from someone who has walked in your shoes.  May I suggest you jot down a little thing that happens to you that makes you smile?  You may not see something each day but before you know it, the list will become a sign to you that God is with you helping you see the little things in life.

I often think of the conversation I had with my mom as a little girl and realize how right she was.  Life isn’t about what I don’t have but about what I do have.   Yes I miss those who have gone onto heaven.  The amazing part is that one day I will see them again. 

The first couple of years after my husband died, the holidays were difficult.  In talking with others who have lost their spouse, they have shared things they have done to help through this new season of their lives.  A few suggestions may be:

•  If you are one that hangs Christmas stockings and are not sure whether to hang one for the you have lost – Perhaps have family members write something they remember about that person.  It can be something funny or something they miss.  Perhaps a fun trip or conversation.  Then take turns pulling out the notes and reading them.
• Purchasing a Christmas ornament in their honor.
• Lighting a candle in their honor.
•  I know this one is going to sound strange – but helping others helps you also.  Perhaps calling or visiting someone going through what you have gone through this past year.

Please believe me when I tell you that you will laugh again!  The holidays will get easier!  God has promised to never leave us.   He wants you to be happy and smile again – and so would your loved one. 

I pray you find God’s peace as you try to get through these first holidays without your loved one.  May you feel God’s arms wrapped around you! 

Peace and blessings to each of you.