Is Your Journey Unsettled??

Is Your Journey Unsettled??

Is it just me or do you find yourself unsettled?   I truly believe I am on the path that God wants me to be on.  However, I often second guess myself as I try to analyze whether or not what I am doing is right.  Do you ever feel that way?  I don’t believe I am alone in this.

For those of us who have had a journey from being married to widowhood, the one who was always our sounding board is no longer with us.  So how do we get beyond this?  Is this something that happens more times than we like?  Or does it?  Is just one of those days when we just need assurance from that friend or family member that we can we can count on? 

It may be some or all of that!  As we walk down this journey, we may have had the gift of having someone walk with us.   For those of us who have had the privilege of having women of faith walk we us, we begin to notice a few things that help our journey.

There has been a passage in the Bible which I have always believed.  Many times in my life I have found I have needed to rely on it more times than others.  It is from Proverbs 3:5 which reads: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  I will be the first to admit that this scripture isn’t always the easiest one to believe in when I am hurting or second guessing myself.  So often I think I can handle it all but in reality, I cannot.  However, when I totally take it to heart, I find God truly is there with me each step of the way.

What do you do when you are struggling with life’s challenges, a new decision on a job change, a possible move, or a family member going through a tough time that they cannot decide what to do?   May I suggest a suggestion or two?

• Go to that friend who you can talk with in confidence without judgement.
• Seek out a counselor to talk with.  If you do not know one, talk with your pastor or trusted friend for a suggestion.
• There is a lot of great books to read.
• Perhaps meet a good friend and do a Bible Study together.
• For me, it is reading but also being in prayer for God’s direction.

We can rest in peace, hope and God with his promise found in:  Matthew 19:26 reads:  But Jesus looked at them and said to them, ‘With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

We have not been promised that each step is going to be easy, but we have the assurance from God in John 14:27:  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubles and do not be afraid.

As I reread this blog today, I may be writing it for myself.  But no matter what you are going through in your journey, this may be of encouragement to you.

Blessings to you my friends.   May you feel God’s arms wrapped around you each new day!

Change and New Beginnings

Change and New Beginnings

Life seems to be full of changes!  Many of the changes in our lives we plan for, just work out.  It’s so easy during the good times to believe life is so amazing and nothing will happen in our lives to change this.  And thank goodness for the most part it doesn’t.  Planning for things in life is a good thing for sure!

But what do we do in those other times - when things happen which we have absolutely no control of!  Oh how often and easy is it to fall apart!  And that is a part of grief and its ok! God’s promise from the Old Testament reads:  Isaiah 54:10 (NIV) Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Boy that is a hard verse to rely on when we are down and wondering if we will ever be happy again!  Thank goodness for the hope we have in Christ that even when we are in the valley, He will be there to help us climb that mountain.

For those that know me, know that I am a planner and have been most of my life.  One of the good things about my late husband being in the military, was he always had to have his ducks in a row regarding the ‘what ifs’ if something happened to him. When he did pass away, I knew what to expect for me going forward financially. 

It is so important to be prepared for the unplanned.  I have heard so many stories of those that have not had things in order and how devastated they are at the time of a loss. Because of that, I have become an advocate on making sure your ‘ducks’ are in a row. However, there are a few things to think about if you are at the early stage of widowhood.  They are:

•  It is recommended you avoid making major life changes such as selling your home or changing jobs within the first year.
•  If you are still working, consider asking your HR department about taking a leave of absence or reducing your hours for a period of time.
•  Regarding legal matters consider:
• Talk with your attorney about your home, automobile or other property.
• Insurance policies
• Bank accounts
• Dependent issues
•   Set up a meeting with your financial adviser.
• Gather and review all your statements
• Notifying all Institutions
• Tax considerations
•   Check on your Life Insurance Policy
•   Notify Social Security
•  Take care of your health. 
• Make an appointment with your doctor.
• Make an appointment for a massage, pedicure or manicure.

As we begin to heal and accept that we must move forward, we need to decide how or what we are going to do next.  Many times it has been said, that we just need to take the first step.  I would encourage you to become involved with Grief Share (website:  www.griefshare.org.)  Another suggesting would be to find a local widow group in your area.  In the Twin Cities, go to: www.widowmight.org.  In the Chicago area:  www.widowconnection.com. 

My prayer is that you will find peace in your journey.  It certainly does not happen overnight!  One of God’s many promises is the peace he gives us.  John 16:3 (NIV):  I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. 

Each new day is a new beginning.  We cannot change yesterday and tomorrow is not promised to us.  However, we can take that first step today!   If you feel you have taken a step backwards, do not beat yourself up.  Just take that first new step!

I have seen this statement many times and I cannot agree with it more.   The quote is by C.S. Lewis and it reads:  “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” ― C.S. Lewis

May God bless you as you walk this new journey in your life!  He is faithful to walk with you each step of the way, one day at a time.

Blessings to you!  

Acts of Kindness

Acts of Kindness

It seems we hear quite a bit about acts of kindness, but do we follow through with any of those acts.  At times, we just are not sure what we should do.   In my early part of my widowhood, I remember an unexpected phone call, a sweet email, receiving a card in the mail just when I seemed to have needed it most or an invite for going out for coffee or lunch at the last minute. 

Oh how important any of those things meant to me!  I often think of the scripture from Ephesians 4:32 which reads:  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.  So many have been tenderhearted and it truly brings a smile to my face when someone shows those acts of kindness.  

Often with time, we either are too busy to remember who are alone.  They still need that phone call, a card, or a coffee get together just to let them know that they are still being thought of.  As time goes by, it is easy to forget that they are still lonely and are in the process of healing from their loss.  With each one of us the process, the process is on its own timeline. 

For those who are introvert, very seldom – if ever will ask for help.  For those who are extroverts, people assume they have it all together and are ok.  No matter what your personality is or the stage of widowhood we are at, it means a lot to be blessed with an act of kindness.  Some ideas for doing something big or small:

• Invite her to go see a movie.
• Send a note or card on her birthday or special holiday
• Pick up the phone and call her.  If she doesn’t answer, leave a message so she can return the call when she is able to.
• Purchase a gift card for a massage, manicure or a pedicure.  Physical touch is healing and helps with relaxation.
• Provide a meal n a disposable container, noting who it is from but requesting that no thank you note be written.
• Purchase her a book.  There are a lot of good books out there.
• If she has children, offer to babysit so she can get a little time away.
• Offer to help drive kids to their activities.
• Give her a journal and write the first entry for her.

From talking with others and from my own experience, it is amazing to help out others no matter what the situation is.  Not only are we a blessing to those going through a tough time in their life, but for those giving the blessing, it is also rewarding.   Galatians 6:10 states:  So then, as we have the opportunity, let us do well to everyone. It seems in our times of desperation or new journey in life, God’s grace and mercy are there with us.  

My hope and prayer is that we as widows will ask for help when needed.  For those of you who are able, I pray you will offer help.  Or ask how you may be of help.   If you need help, please do not hesitate to ask. 

May God bless each of you!!

Strength and Rest

Strength and Rest

What comes to mind when you think of strength and rest?  For many of you, you have gone down this journey of widowhood and are feeling Gods strength wrapped around you.  Others may be wondering if this will ever happen.  This journey in your life that has been full of changes, you may think you will never have the strength to move forward or feel restful with your new journey in life.

From my own experience and others who have walked this journey, being connected to someone that has gone down this path is so helpful.  For many, this is what gets them through to begin the process of feeling God’s peace and strength again. 

One of God’s many promises is: 1 Peter 5:10 reads: And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. You may wonder if this will ever be what you feel again.  What does this scripture have to do with what you are going through now?!  It is the hope that we will get through this journey together.

When you think of all the things you had previously planned and all the dreams you may have had, life has changed and unfortunately, we need to adjust to a new life.   What is it you enjoy or like to do as an individual?   Perhaps a new project around your home with the simplest change of a new picture to hang, or new rugs and towels in your bathroom would do the trick.  Or if you are really energetic, redoing an entire room in your home.  I know that sounds like a big project!  If this seems overwhelming, start with something smaller.

Rest assured that God is with you during this season of your life.  No matter what has changed, He wants you to know that He is with you each step of the way.   I ran across this verse the other day which reads:  Psalms 92:12: But the godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon. I thought what are the cedars of Lebanon and what does it have to do with me?  Cedar was a tree often mentioned in Scripture and was considered stately, was long branched, durable and used for boards, pillars and ceilings.  

Applying that to what God would have for us, He wants us to be strong and flourish.  What is it you would want?   For some of you, it may be to just get through today.  For others, you may take some of those dreams to travel, work on a new project, or walk beside another widow to help her through this tough time.  

One day you may just wake up and think, “I CAN do this!”   Maybe today is the day you realize God has good things for you!   There may be those days down the road when you second guess yourself.   Many times it is just blind faith that gets you through your journey. 

I encourage you to take a leap of faith!   For some of you it may just be taking that first small step today.  For others, it may be bigger than that!   What is tugging at your heart to do the next, no matter how small or big it is?

Blessings to each of you!   God has something great for each of you.  We each walk our own path and each of us has something special to offer one another.

Anticipating the New Year

Anticipating the New Year

With each New Year we often have anticipations of what we are hoping for.  When we think about the prior year, we may be thinking we made it.  But we are hoping this next year will be better.

Personally I am one that takes a look at what happened the year before to reflect on what may become in the New Year.  When we are hurting, it may be difficult to remember the happy or good things that happened in the past year.  If this is the first New Year without your spouse, even thinking of new plans may be painful.  Regardless what happened last year – good or bad, we cannot change it but the hope we have is in Christ.  Psalms 39:7 reads: “But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.”

What are your thoughts of how you will handle the upcoming year?   Have you even thought about what your plans are?  Have you thought about what you would like to do?

May I suggest you take a look at what your strengths are?  What do you like to do?  What is worthwhile or important to you? Perhaps, just taking a look at ourselves and rediscover who we are may help us make some decisions.   Some suggestions to think about:

• Attempt to get back into a routine.
• This may be a good time to complete a project such as organizing photos.
• Or perhaps a new project such as crafting, plan a trip or join a new group.

I realize some of these may be a stretch for some of you.   But I also realize some may just need a little encouragement to help decide what you may need to do for you.  Remember God is always with us during the good times and bad times.  Hebrews 13:5b – 6 reads:  “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.”

New beginnings may be difficult, but just taking that first step can be an opportunity for you to discover who you are.   I totally understand that this may not be easy, but I have confidence that you can take that first step.  God is always by our side.  

Blessings to you as you begin 2019.  May you find God’s peace in your life!

‘Tis The Season

‘Tis The Season

As I look out my patio door and see the fresh snow, it makes me realize that Christmas is around the corner and I am a tad late on getting my to-do list completed.  Actually, I haven’t even made my to-do list.  I am one that loves the holidays – especially Christmas.  Normally by now my house is decorated, cards are addressed and I’ve at least started my shopping.  It will all happen in its own timing.

Something tells me I am not alone in feeling a little anxious with expectations of the holidays. If this is the first couple of years without your spouse or loved one, the holidays seem to take on a whole new meaning.  It can be tough but with God’s help, you will get through it.

When I think about our to-do lists and try to imagine what Mary and Joseph were going through with the birth of Jesus, my to-do list is so insignificant. Luke 2:4-9 gives an account of some of what they went through: So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.  He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

Mary was to deliver her firstborn son in a manger.   I can only imagine she thought if she was to deliver The Messiah, He should be born in some place much nicer than a manger.  Her expectations were probably much higher than the reality of giving birth in a stable.

How often are our expectations greater than our realities?   How do we handle these differences?   Where is God in all of this?  His promise in Luke 2:14 is:  Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.  This may seem like a promise that is out there and not something that is going to happen for us.  Rest assure that God’s promise is to bring us peace.

For many of you, you have already chosen to change up what you will do for the holidays.   Some suggestions may be:

• ·         Take a trip with your immediate family someplace where your loved one would have loved to go.
• ·         In the past you may have had a traditional meal.   Consider having only appetizers and assign what your guests bring.  Take the pressure off of you.
• ·         If this year it is too painful to entertain, allow yourself permission to be alone.
• ·         If you have been invited elsewhere for the holiday, please do not feel like you need to commit on attending. Let them know you will think about it. Again, give yourself permission to arrive late or leave early.
• ·         If your tradition was to always attend a Christmas Eve or Christmas Day church service, you may want to sit in the back row or near an exit just in case you feel the need to leave early.

Below are a few ideas to remember your spouse:

• ·         If you are one who hangs Christmas stockings, continue to hang the stocking of your spouse.  
• ·         One of my widow friends has kept her late husband’s favorite coffee cup.  No matter where she is for the holiday, she brings the cup with her and it becomes part of the table centerpiece.
• ·         Another widow friend puts markers on the table and before the table gets set, they each write something small such as the year such as an I love you, if there are small children, they trace the hand print of the child.  As each year passes, they continue this tradition.  As the family grows, they add another table with another table cloth. 
• ·         Donate to a charity to honor your spouse or loved one.  

Last but not least – do not forget about yourself.  You are still in the healing process. 

• ·         It is OK to turn down invitations especially if it is too painful.
• ·         Schedule a massage, manicure or pedicure for yourself.
• ·         Be honest with yourself with your friends and family.  Unless they have walked in your shoes, they may not understand your decisions.

One of my favorite Christmas songs is Mary Did You Know written by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene.  You may want to go to www.youtube.com and listen to this song being sung by Mark Lowry or David Phillips.  One of the things I love about this song, is that Mary did know that with her faith in God, that all would work out according to plan.

As we know, our plans do not always work out as we see fit. God has a master plan in our lives.  My prayer is you find God’s peace and feel His arms wrapped around you.

Blessings to each of you.  Our loved ones always live in our hearts.

You’re Journey – The Ups and Downs

You’re Journey – The Ups and Downs

Lately it seems that I am or have been thinking about my journey in life.   Things keep reflecting back to the ups and downs of life.  As time goes on, the highs and lows are not as big as they have been in the past.  Life seems to have mellowed out, but there are still times the journey seems rugged.

I recently spent two weeks on a tour to Israel with 21 others.   It was a memorable tour for sure!  There are several things which I have reflected on but one thing keeps coming back to me.   We spent several days in the wilderness and talked about the journey the early prophets walked.  There were lots of mountains to climb and the areas were very hilly. 

Trying to imagine what they went through is hard for me to imagine.  After being there, it makes a lot of things easier to understand.  But thinking about the ups and downs of their lives and trying to compare them to my ups and downs doesn’t seem to be right.  As I was thinking of it, I as looking at it as a metaphor and comparing it to my life.  With that being said, there really isn’t a good comparison but it got me thinking.

Our journey of widowhood (or the journey you are going through at this time) does have its ups and downs.   God was faithful then and He is still faithful today.  Genesis 12:1-2 tells us of God’s promise to Abram.  It reads:  Now the LORD said to Abram,  “Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father’s house, to the land which I will show you; and I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing.

For those who know me, you know I am not one that has much endurance for physical activity.  So this tour I was on, was a bit challenging!   Thank goodness for those in the group who often became my cheerleaders.  I was able to realize that God brings others into our lives to encourage us along the way….  To be there for us…..   To pray with us….

As life goes on and as we walk our journey in life and we trust in God.  Our ups and downs or highs and lows become less extreme.  We will still have them, whether we like it or not.  However, with our trust and faith in God, He is there for us each step of the way.  Psalms 146:9 reads:  The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow……

Patience is also something that is a hard lesson in life while walking this journey.  We often want a quick fix and there isn’t always a quick fix.  It’s a journey that we all walk on at a different pace.  I would encourage you to share your story with someone going through what you are going through. Perhaps you can be the one who encourages someone going through this journey. 

Blessings to you as you walk this journey.