You’re Journey – The Ups and Downs

You’re Journey – The Ups and Downs

Lately it seems that I am or have been thinking about my journey in life.   Things keep reflecting back to the ups and downs of life.  As time goes on, the highs and lows are not as big as they have been in the past.  Life seems to have mellowed out, but there are still times the journey seems rugged.

I recently spent two weeks on a tour to Israel with 21 others.   It was a memorable tour for sure!  There are several things which I have reflected on but one thing keeps coming back to me.   We spent several days in the wilderness and talked about the journey the early prophets walked.  There were lots of mountains to climb and the areas were very hilly. 

Trying to imagine what they went through is hard for me to imagine.  After being there, it makes a lot of things easier to understand.  But thinking about the ups and downs of their lives and trying to compare them to my ups and downs doesn’t seem to be right.  As I was thinking of it, I as looking at it as a metaphor and comparing it to my life.  With that being said, there really isn’t a good comparison but it got me thinking.

Our journey of widowhood (or the journey you are going through at this time) does have its ups and downs.   God was faithful then and He is still faithful today.  Genesis 12:1-2 tells us of God’s promise to Abram.  It reads:  Now the LORD said to Abram,  “Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father’s house, to the land which I will show you; and I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing.

For those who know me, you know I am not one that has much endurance for physical activity.  So this tour I was on, was a bit challenging!   Thank goodness for those in the group who often became my cheerleaders.  I was able to realize that God brings others into our lives to encourage us along the way….  To be there for us…..   To pray with us….

As life goes on and as we walk our journey in life and we trust in God.  Our ups and downs or highs and lows become less extreme.  We will still have them, whether we like it or not.  However, with our trust and faith in God, He is there for us each step of the way.  Psalms 146:9 reads:  The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow……

Patience is also something that is a hard lesson in life while walking this journey.  We often want a quick fix and there isn’t always a quick fix.  It’s a journey that we all walk on at a different pace.  I would encourage you to share your story with someone going through what you are going through. Perhaps you can be the one who encourages someone going through this journey. 

Blessings to you as you walk this journey. 

God’s Grace

God’s Grace

So many times I have wondered how I managed to get through that first year of grief.  Reflecting back, there have been many times in life’s journey I have thought the same thing while going through other things besides grief.  Have you ever thought the same thing? Life has a way of throwing us curves that sometimes we just do not understand. Perhaps we never will understand!

In those times when well-meaning friends or family say those thing to us that we just think – ‘Really did you just say that?’  Unless one has walked in your shoes, they probably do not understand.  I truly believe God gives His grace during these times to help us through our journey.  John 1:16 reads:  Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given.  I so understand that at the time it may not seem possible, but it does become part of our healing process.

The church I grew up in, one of the ladies had a beautiful alto voice often sang a song by the name of ‘He Giveth More Grace’ written by Annie J Flint.  This is a song written about how when life gets tough, God’s grace keeps giving.  Kathy Lee Gifford sings it beautifully on YouTube.  I love the promises God gives us that even through these tough times in life, He is there for us. 

Throughout our lives, we may be the one who really needs an extra dose of God’s grace.  Other times, we really need to give an extra dose of God’s grace.  This isn’t always easy when we have been hurt, but someone’s unkind words, or without thinking we may say those unkind words.  Just thinking about this kind of hurts when we truly think about it.  But remember – God’s Grace!!!!

Regardless if you are suffering from a loss of a loved one, loss of a job, have had to move due to a new job, perhaps a divorce, there are many journey’s that are tough to walk through.  For those who have been there for you as you have walked your journey, may the comfort you received from them, you in turn be the comfort to the person God puts in your life to comfort.  Colossians 4:6 says:  Let your conversation be always full of grace………..

If you feel you may be stuck in your journey, please do not hesitate to talk to a trusted friend, your pastor or a counselor.

My prayer is you feel and understand God’s grace in your life.  May you be a blessing to those who have blessed you! 

WHOLE AGAIN??

WHOLE AGAIN??

Regardless if you have been widowed a couple of months or 25 years, you probably wondered if we were ever going to feel whole again!  Or perhaps reflecting back, we cannot honestly remember that time as it just seemed to have happened.

As I listen to those who have lost their spouse, it is interesting to hear them tell their story or comment on where they are at emotionally, spiritually, secure or insecure with where they are.  Each story is unique!  Oh how I appreciate the wisdom of those who have been widowed for a while, as I observe them as they listen to the new widow and share their wisdom.

Whether we are meeting as a group for coffee, during a Bible study, a group outing for something fun to do, each one has something important to share.  For those who are new to this journey of widowhood, they are looking at those who have walked this journey for a while to see they are becoming whole again. 

We often think of healing as it is regarding physical, emotional or spiritual.  However, Psalms 23 is an amazing scripture on God leading us through our life.   He is here to watch over us and direct our path.  Verse 3 reads: He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.   This reminds me that God is concerned about each aspect of our lives.  He is there for each step of the way!   How amazing is that?! 

The journey of widowhood, a lengthy illness or loneliness can seem to be a never ending journey.  There are times when we may or have felt that we will never be whole again, or that life will never be good again!  But rest assured that God is and will be with us each step of the way.  Another good promise is found in 1 Peter 5:10 which states:  ‘And the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.’  We can rely on His goodness to pick us up when we feel we cannot take that next step.

My prayer is that God’s grace and mercy surrounds you, and that you feel His presence regardless if you are in the valley or the top of the mountain.

Many blessings to each of you.  Remember there is hope and that you will feel whole again!

Forgiveness and Peace

Forgiveness and Peace

You may be thinking what does ‘Forgiveness’ have to do with widowhood?  As many struggle through the grief of our spouse, we may be wondering if we did enough for your spouse.  Maybe your spouse died quickly and you didn’t have the opportunity to say things to them to make things right.  Or perhaps, your spouse suffered with a lengthy illness and you may be wishing you would have done more.

Many have shared the ‘what ifs’ of their relationship with their spouse.  Many have shared they had an amazing marriage and yet there were things they wished they had done differently.   Still others had a marriage of ups and downs with regrets.   Others have said they are glad the rough years were in the beginning of their marriage and with God’s help were able to work things out.  And yet others said the last few years were the hardest but they were committed to their vows and believed God was with them. 

Regardless of what your marriage was like, when your spouse dies, many have shared that they have had guilt and have felt they will never have a chance to ask for forgiveness.  One of the many great verses on forgiveness is from Ephesians 1:7 which reads:  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.  How easy is it for us to feel guilty about what we cannot say or do?   God truly does not want us to live in the past with what we cannot change.  He has forgiven us all by dying on the cross.  He has given us grace and mercy to move forward.

Our saving grace is God’s redemption.  John 10:10 states:  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life and have it full.   In other words, Satan will try to take away your joy with guilt.   Christ has come to give your life to the fullest for you to live without guilt. 

If we keep looking in the rear view mirror, we are unable to move forward.  Forgiving ourselves is one of the most difficult things to do.   Remember you are in charge of your thoughts.  If you continue to harbor the ‘what ifs’ or the unforgiveness, you will not be able to move forward with forgiveness.  We need to take control of our thoughts and get rid of the negative thoughts. We can then have peace as it says in Isaiah: 3:26 says:  You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

It is amazing as time goes by, we do seem to forget the things that hurt us and are able to remember the good things that have happened in our lives.  I truly believe that comes with forgiveness.  Psalms 103:12 reads:  As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed your transgressions from us.  In other words, God does not keep track of our mistakes and transgressions.  They are gone and He forgives us.

God has so much in store for us and wants us to be forgiven and live a full life.   We just need to believe!  My prayer for you if you are feeling as if you ca not forgive yourself, that you would pray for God’s forgiveness.  Let it go and let God take control of your life. 

Remembering the good times we shared and letting go of the not so good times, is much healthier.  As we think of our spouse’s goofy laugh, or their quirky mannerism’s, that favorite shirt of theirs that we wished we had thrown away (maybe we eventually did) or how they mowed the lawn or shoveled the driveway puts a smile on our face.

May God richly bless you as walk this journey and remember the good and forgive what we have no control off.   Remember God loves each of us and has much in store for us.

Cherished by Patsy Pearson

Cherished

From the time we are little girls, we respond to compliments on how we look. Pretty dresses, a new hairstyle, new shoes, a piece of jewelry - they all make us feel special, and we like to be told that we are special. Little girls often get their affirmations from their parents or as we find our special someone later in life.  We look to them for compliments!  Some men are better than others about passing out compliments, and my Bob was one of those men. ”You look nice!”, or “I like that outfit on you”, and sometimes he would say, “You’re beautiful”. I would protest, because to me “beauty” is something out of the ordinary, and I find myself quite ordinary, especially when I compare myself with others. But it was so special that he found me beautiful, as he was the one I was trying to impress. I knew that in his eyes, I was beautiful, because he saw me through the eyes of love. I felt beautiful and truly cherished, and I knew that I was the most important person in his world.

After Bob’s death, I felt that I had lost the only person in the world who truly cherished me, and it left me feeling bereft. My children and grandchildren love me, but there are others more important to them in their worlds, as it should be. My friends love me, but again, there are others in their lives who claim their best love and loyalty.

But I have been reminded in my spirit that God loves me and thinks I am special. Jeremiah 31:3 says “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Psalm 31:7 declares, “I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles and you care about the anguish of my soul.”

And my favorite, Zephaniah 3:17 tells me this: “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” What a beautiful picture of love that is! If that doesn’t make me feel special and cherished, then nothing will. I am cherished by God, and I am so special to Him that He gave His only Son to die for my sins, so that I may spend my eternity with Him.

So even though my husband is no longer at my side to tell me I am beautiful and cherished, I can know that God does - I am precious in His sight, as I Peter 2:4 tells me. He looks upon me not on my outward appearance, but into my heart.

I hope that you, too, regardless of your circumstances, will feel God’s love, knowing that you are beautiful and precious to Him.

Written by Patsy Pearson and published with permission.

What are your memories????

What are your memories????

Are you one that reflects on things of the past and wonders on things of the future?  With each holiday, birthday or anniversary whether it is a good memory or not, I am one of those that does.   Although I do not reflect for each holiday, but some more than others.  I have a feeling most of us have some that stick out more than others.  Some were happier and others were not.  

Personally I am not one who regularly goes to the cemetery let along on Memorial Day weekend.  Each of us handles this holiday in our own way.  The cemetery where my late husband is buried is at a national cemetery not far from me.  There was a lot of publicity this year as a flag was going to be placed at each tombstone for the first time in 35 years.  So I decided to go to Ft Snelling to see how it looked – along with visiting Dan’s grave site.  It was a beautiful (but hot) sunny day. Everything was so green and the number of flags was amazing. 

Traffic near Ft. Snelling was being directed as this is the fourth busiest national cemetery in the United States.  There were a group of former Vets called the Patriot Guard who helped direct traffic inside the cemetery along with helping those who needed help locating their loved ones.  I was also given a pink rose as I entered the area I was going to.  I found myself not at all sad visiting there that day.  As I drove out, I found myself being thankful for all of those who have served our country.  Thankful for all of those that had placed over 250,000 flags throughout the cemetery.  Thankful for the Patriot Guard group for helping those who needed help.  Thankful for those who were directing traffic. 

On my commute home, instead of thinking of who I no longer have in my life, I remember those who God has placed in my life to help me along this journey.  I will agree that yes I still do miss Dan but unfortunately I cannot bring him back.  There are those days when I think of the what ifs.  However, I find that I need to rely on God for what I do not have control over. For me Psalms 23 is such comfort.  In verse 4 it reads; Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

With time, it seems like the pain eases and the memories of the hurt ease up.  As we travel down this journey, the day will come when we need to focus on the good in life.  What would our husband really want for us?  Would he want us to sit back and grieve 24/7?   If we are honest, I do not believe he would.  So what can we do to overcome this change in our life?  This may be different for each of us.  Some may go down similar roads to be of help, comfort and support for other widows. Or perhaps you may find something you have a passion to do. 

As I have gone down this journey, I have been able to be thankful for those who have come in my life.  Philippians 1:2 and 3 I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all. 

My prayer for each of you going down this journey, is that you find God’s peace and joy in your life once again.  Blessings to each of you as you will once again live, heal, grow and in time thrive.

Walking beside me….

Walking beside me….

If you are new to this journey of widowhood, you may be wishing you had someone who really understands what you are going through.  Who better understands the comfort of a widow than another widow?!  Some of you may already have that women walking beside you.  Others may be searching or wishing they had that person…

Each widow walks this journey a little differently.  A lot that depends on where there are in life when their life became completely uprooted.  For some of you, this change was due to a long illness of your husband.  For others it happened so quickly that you didn’t know how you were going to handle this.  Regardless of how your husband passed away, you now are on a new journey.   Having someone walk beside you, is a help. 

I have often mentioned that when I became a widow, there were not any widow groups out there and Grief Share wasn’t available at the time.  I felt like I had to figure it out on my own.  I am hoping you do not feel that way.

Our God is a God of all comfort.  James 1:27 reads:   Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. (American King James Version).   The Greek word for ‘visit’ can also mean ‘look after’ or ‘care for”.  For many of you, you have been fortunate to have connected with a seasoned widow.  One who has walked your path and to help you along your new journey of life. 

As a widow, you may have had several visitors the first few weeks.  If you did, you probably remember the special gifts or note that someone left you.  I know this may sound difficult, but people’s lives get busy and unless they have walked in your path, they go on with life as usual. 

I would encourage you to speak with your pastor, priest or rabbi.  Perhaps he/she may know of someone who can walk along side of you.  The scriptures tells us to:  Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  

For those of you who may be a seasoned widow or would like to know how you can help, here are some suggestions:

• ·         Send her a note
• ·         Invite her out for coffee or lunch
• ·         Offer to pick her up and go for a walk
• ·         Pick up the phone and give her a call
• ·         Perhaps if you attend the same church, pick her up for church

A couple of suggestions to help you along your journey are:

• ·         You do not need to settle into your new life.  You will heal, grow, live, and in time thrive
• ·         No need to believe that your life is over.  You will once again find joy in your journey
• ·         Your journey is unique.  Please do not compare your journey to someone else.  Each of our journeys may be similar, we are all unique in our journey.

My heart goes out to each of you.  If you have someone walking beside you, you are fortunate.  If you do not, I pray God brings you someone to walk along side of you.