Loneliness to Trust…..

Loneliness to Trust…..

Easter – What a triumphant holiday!!  So much happens between Maundy Thursday and Sunday morning.  So much had been prophesied from the Old Testament and it finally came true.  So many years of anticipation and yet when Christ was crucified and rose again, it all happened as planned. 

I often wonder how I would have reacted if I had lived in Jerusalem at that time.  So much was going on, so much unrest and then to realize that what was happening, occurred just as it was supposed to.  For those that know me well, know I do not do well with unrest and I like my life to be in order.  However, that is not the way life happens and is a little unrealistic…..

But what does God have for us when we thought we had our lives all planned out?  We had our dreams…  We had hopes……  We had our lives all planned out.   Seriously, didn’t we?  I know I did and I don’t believe I am alone on that thought.   God created us with all of our emotions and He definitely understands us.  Even on the cross Jesus experienced loneliness and felt is Father had forsaken Him. Matthew 27:46b reads:  My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? 

I must admit I thought that way when Dan died.  What was God thinking and what did he have planned for my life?  Oh how lonely did I feel, and at what point did I realize we needed help.  Becoming a widow, was like feeling our lives were uprooted! 

Where is God in this and how can I rely on Him?  Isaiah 41:10 reads:  Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.  That is easier said than done but know that God is there for you as you call out to Him. 

As we take each new step and put our trust in God, we will soon learn that God is helping as He promised.  In Hebrews 13:5 reads:  I will never leave you or forsake you.  Remember, as we draw nearer to God, He will draw near to us. 

Perhaps you may know someone else who seems lonely.  May I make a couple of suggestions as you try to put one foot in front of the other?

·         Send someone you know a note letting them know you are thinking of them.

·         Pick up the phone and check up on someone you haven’t seen or heard from in a while.

·         Invite someone over for coffee.

·         Or just a simple gesture of holding a door for someone will put a smile on their face.

I totally understand that your world has been turned upside down.  However, by helping others with acts of kindness, also helps us in return.   And remember – God has never left your side.  He is there for you always!

My prayer is that you feel God’s arms wrapped around you.  Blessings to each of you as you walk this journey.

Where there is loss or fear - there is hope!

Where there is loss or fear - there is hope!

When you think of what you are afraid of, what comes to mind?  For me, one of my greatest fears is the fear of height.  If driving up a mountain, I certainly do not want to be on the right side of the vehicle and look over the edge.  However, there are other things more relevant such as the fear of losing a job, financial loss, or the loss of a loved one.  How often as a child, none of these even enter our minds as we think we are going to live happily ever after.  Unfortunately, life often does not live happy ever after.  Things happen and we need to learn how to cope with the changes in our lives.  

Often times, the changes end up being a good thing.  My husband was in the military and our first move was to St. Louis, Missouri.  We were both ready for a change and the change was good for us.  After spending three years there, it was time for us to relocate.  At this point, I was apprehensive as our next move would depend on where there were openings.  Our children by this time were in junior and senior high school and were concerned we would end up living in the boonies so to speak (I don’t remember where they thought the boonies were.).  Because of my husband’s job, we were able to wait a bit to see if there was a position back in the Minneapolis, MN area.  And there was.  Fortunately we were able to move back in the vicinity of where we lived prior to moving three years before.  The plus was our kids were able to go back to the schools which their friends were now at.

I share this story as there were many feelings of fear of the unknown but also the hope we had in Christ of know He would take care of us – and He did.

The one fear I didn’t think I would have to face at a young age was the fear of losing my husband.  He was only 47 and I was 46. His death had nothing to do with being in the military as he had a heart attack on our patio.  It was so sudden and such a shock.  With being in the military, we had our wills up to date and we both knew that if something would happen to either of us, we knew where our paper work was to handle such a situation.

Having your paper work in order is a good thing but the fear of losing my spouse threw me for a loop.  There were so many questions!  Dreams were shattered!  How does one go from being a couple to being on there own!  It’s amazing how I thought my life was in order and in the drop of a pin, it totally changed.  What if I made the wrong decision regarding things such as my job, house or what to do next?  One of the scriptures that help carry me through was:  Psalms 46:5 - God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Regardless if you have lost a spouse, job or financial ruin, one of the hardest things to do is just put one foot in front of the other.  It’s the little steps we take each day.  There are days when it is difficult to just get out of bed let alone decide what you will do for the day.  Often just taking the garbage out is a big deal. 

Just a couple of thoughts about fear:

•   Try not to let the pain of fear make you a victim of fear.
•   Try not to let fear stop you from moving forward with life

With God’s help, we do have hope.  For me, I have had other things go on in my life that I saw God’s direction and knew it was He who helped me get through my fears.  One of God’s promises is from Psalm 147:11 which reads:  The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.  When we live by faith with hope in God and not be fear it’s amazing how things in our lives work out. 

Blessings to each of you as you walk this journey.  Remember God is with you each step of the way – one step at a time!

Stuck in a rut?

Stuck in a rut?

Do you every feel stuck – like you are in a rut and cannot move forward?  I really believe each of us feels this way one time or another and it is normal.   But what about when we feel being stuck is going on to long?  How many times do we feel like we are stuck in a rut? 

It seems that after the holidays, it’s so easy to just hibernate, sit home, not making any phone calls or sending any emails.  Is this normal?  Will I ever feel whole again?  So many questions but – yes – there is hope.

It seems when we go through things in life that are very traumatic, it is so easy to get stuck.  Our lives as widows have turned upside down.  We soon realize that we need to make some changes in our lives.  Colossians 1:17 promises this:  He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.   In other words God has been with us from the beginning and will be with us until the end.  During those times in our live when we feel like we are in a rut, God knows us best.  He is there for us even when we feel we cannot feel or sense His presence. 

Perhaps when we are feeling stuck or in a rut, we may need to do some real soul searching.  Not an easy thing to do when we are hurting but often times it’s a necessity.  We may need to sit back and reflect on things that may not be easy to do.  After all, our lives so totally changed because of what we have gone through.  It’s easy to be angry or upset with the new journey we are forced to go through.  Some difficult thoughts to think about:

• ·         We are forced to except what we cannot change –perhaps time to make a change.
• ·         Taking that first step into moving forward.  Even the first step is huge but can be a small step!
• ·         You do not need a plan on what the outcome will be – just take the first step.
• ·         Each of us goes down this journey just a little different.  Don’t compare yourself.
• ·         Try not to over think about what you have, are or will be going through.  Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not hear yet.  Philippians 4:8 reads:  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  In other words, try to rely on what God has for your life.

You may need to go inside your heart, soul and mind to work through what is causing you to be stuck.  Perhaps if it seems to be too much, confide in a good friend, a counselor or perhaps your pastor at your church.  Try not to isolate yourself but take that first step in confiding with someone you trust.  God’s promise in John 16:33 is: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I trust as each day goes by, you will be able to take that first step.  If you have walked down this path a while ago, perhaps you can take the hand of a new widow and help her with this journey.  Before you know it, she will be taking the hand of a new widow.  It’s amazing to watch how God works in our lives.  All it takes is that first step.

Blessings to each of you sweet ladies who are on this journey.  God is amazing and He is there for you each step of the way.  We just need to believe!!!!!

New Year – New Focus

New Year – New Focus

With each New Year, it seems to bring new possibilities.  I am one who likes to reflect on the past year and think about those possibilities for the upcoming year.  Depending on what you have gone through this past year, one may think, this next year can only get better. 

When we are closing out a year that has been difficult, it’s hard to imagine thinking about the New Year and what we might focus on.  With the loss of a spouse, it seems unthinkable to look forward to anything positive in the upcoming year.  The dreams we once had, are gone.  The plans we once had have been shattered.  

The pain and hurt we have gone through in the past year, is hard to imagine but in the same breath, what has happened cannot be changed.  So what do we do?  This whole process is a journey that takes time.  Although each of us travels this journey a little differently, we all go through it with many of the same similarities.  Rest assured, you will one day be able to wake up knowing that God has been with you each step of the way. 

One of the passages in the Bible that is a promise to us as we go through these tough times is found in Romans 15:13 which reads:  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Perhaps as you begin this New Year and are wondering what or where to start, may I make a few suggestions?  Some of these make sense to you and others you may think are just too far down the road to consider.

•  Make a list of the positive things in your life.

•  Remember the good life you have had with your spouse or family.

•  What baby steps can you take toward something rewarding for you or someone hurting?

•   Perhaps set some goals for yourself this year.  Not big goals but realistic goals let’s say three, six, nine or twelve months out. 

•  Where do you see yourself at these stages in the upcoming year?

If you are one who normally thinks about where or what you would like to do or see yourself down the road, go easy on yourself.  If you make plans and they do not happen, do not be hard on yourself.  It just may mean you were not ready emotionally for that goal.  Proverbs 3:5-6 reads:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.  Again God’s promise is if we trust in Him, He will be there for us.

Rest assured that you will get through this with God’s help.  With each accomplishment, you will smile again and realize that you have made it.  You will make it!  If you are having a difficult time and need someone to talk to, please reach out to someone you trust.  There are many great faith based counselors to talk with.

May you find peace as you begin this New Year!   I pray you will find God’s arms wrapped around you and sense Him directing your path.  

Christmas Past and Present

Christmas Past and Present

With Christmas upon us, my memories always goes back to the nativity scene of Mary and Joseph with baby Jesus being born in the stable.   As a child, my dad would always read the Christmas story out of the Bible on Christmas Eve. My favorite part of the Christmas story is:  Luke 2:10-14 reads: But the angel said to them, do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on: whom his favor rests.”

Later in life, my children were often in plays in preschool or Christmas programs at church where they would perform in a play acting out the story of Jesus birth.  Such fond memories they were and are still today.  I’m sure I am not alone when I say I enjoy the Christmas music of small children.  They seem to just put a smile on one’s face right?  Nothing better than the reality that children bring to the holidays.

 

However, things in life happen to not always make things seem happy.  There are changes some more extreme than others.   For some, our children grow up, move one, get married (sometimes) and sometimes their jobs take them to other parts of the country.  For some of us, our parents have grown old, are not in good health or have passed away.  For others, we have lost a child, grandchild, sibling or our spouse.   These are pretty dramatic losses in our lives and difficult to go on.

For some of you, these first couple of years are still very painful.  For others, you may be thinking about some changes to the holidays.  I am one who truly has loved tradition.  But sometimes circumstances change in our live which may cause the traditions to change.  May I offer some suggestions?  Some of these may be way off base for you but some will give you permission to change things up:

•  Break a tradition:
•   If you have been the host to holiday’s in the past, suggest one of you children   or other family member host these first few holidays.
•  Invite another person to your holiday who is also alone.
•  Perhaps this year is just too difficult to be with others, give yourself permission to spend it alone. Next year will be a new year to go back to your traditions.

• ·         Remembering your spouse:

o   Put together a memory book of your spouse.  You may also invite others to add memories to this book.  This doesn’t need to be just for the holidays  but can be for all year long

o   Make or purchase decorations in honor of you loved one.

o   Continue to hang the stocking of your loved one.  Let your guests know ahead of time to bring a written note of your loved one and put it in their stocking.  Take turns pulling the memories out of the stocking and read them.  Hopefully, you will have some happy memories that will make you laugh and sometimes cry.

o   Donate to a charity of your choice in honor of your loved one.

• ·         What about you?

o   Perhaps schedule a massage, pedicure or manicure for yourself. 

o   It’s ok to turn down events that you are having a hard time attending.

o   Be honest with your family and friends on what you are feeling.  Unless they have been in your shoes, they may not understand your choices.

This is a new season of life for you with many new changes...  Remember the promise regarding Jesus birth from the Old Testament which says:  Isaiah 7:14: Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.  As with the promise of Jesus birth from the Old Testament to the reality of the New Testament, we have the hope that we will be able to move forward and see our loved ones again.

Blessings to you and enjoy your holiday’s.  Those who we are missing are always in our hearts.

Guardian Angels – Are they for real?

Guardian Angels – Are they for real?

Do you ever wonder if you have a guardian angel? Do you ever feel like someone you have loved and lost is still part of your life?  I know this may sound weird to some people but it’s almost like we have our own guardian angel reminding us everything is going to be ok.  Things may and will change in our lives along the way.

As I was thinking about writing this blog, there have been conversations over the years when people have felt strongly about this.   The story closest to my heart is with my kids.   My kids were sitting outside on our patio late at night reflecting on the events of the last couple of days.  Our patio had been the place their dad had his heart attack and sitting outside that night, they felt close to him. 

The next morning we chatted about the events that had happened and I remember thinking I was glad that they were out on the patio and I was afraid they would never go out there again.  They had told me they were just talking about their memories of their dad when a bright shooting star went across the sky.  To them, it was a sign that their dad was and would be their guardian angel.  I remember thinking, I like that idea but I had not given much thought to it.

At first I thought to myself if that makes them feel better, I’m all for it.  However, as time passed, I began to wonder if there is something about our loved ones keeping an eye out so to speak on us when we are trying to make a decision or just thinking about them.

Over the years, this topic has come up in many conversations.  A friend of mine who lost her son several years ago, had frequent encounters with dragon flies as her son loved dragon flies as a child.  Another friend who had lost her parents and husband feathers would come out of nowhere.  Beautiful feathers that her dad and husband loved.  Others have mentioned that their loved ones loved red cardinals or monarch butterflies.   When they were feeling sad or missed their loved ones, all of the sudden one of these would appear.

When reading about guardian angles, I came across this scripture - Psalms 91:11 (ESV) which reads: For He will give His angles charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.  God surrounds us with a host of angles to protect us and go before us.  With that being said, we are not to be preoccupied with them or worship them.  Only God is worthy of our worship. 

There have been times when I have had to make big decisions or I was just second guessing myself and thinking I wish I still had Dan to bounce things off of.  God has never failed me during any this time.  I know He is watching out for me.  Did or do I think Dan is my guardian angel – perhaps.

For me there hasn’t been a sign of anything in particular like a butterfly, a bird, a shooting star or a dragonfly but I have felt I have had a guardian angel watching over me.  Perhaps these little signs are our guardian angels.  Our paths may be similar but each of us has a slightly different path and it's ok. 

May you feels God’s arms wrapped around you and know that He is will be with you always!  

Roller Coaster Ride or What?

Roller Coaster Ride or What?

Did you wake up today and think, today is going to be a good day!   I feel like I can handle this new path I’m walking down and I think, I am going to be OK.  We may finally have found that the days are getting easier and the bad days are farther and fewer between. 

But all of the sudden we just cannot do anything right or nothing seems to be going right.  Why does life seem to be such a roller coaster ride?  

Perhaps you were on your walk this morning and out of the blue, you began crying.  Or talking to a friend that just doesn’t seem to understand.  Or you are thinking what just happened?!  We see that couple walking down the sidewalk holding hands or we take a second look at that person who reminds us of our spouse. There are times when trying to figure out this new journey of our life when we almost feel ambushed! 

There are those days when you feel there is no hope but there is.   Psalms 23:4 offers comfort:  Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me.

In conversations over time, many widows have said they cannot walk by the men’s department in a clothing store.  They try to avoid it at all costs.  There have been times when I have walked by the men’s department and there is a mannequin dressed in a polo shirt and a pair of khakis, which reminds me of my late husband.  I have found myself running my fingers over the folded polo’s on the table.  At this point it makes me smile as it reminds me of good times.

So often we wonder where God is in our pain or suffering.  He really does understand.  He does hear us and wants us to talk to Him about what we are going through.  Psalms 62:8 reads: O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

We may not understand why we have had to walk this journey but rest assured in God that He has the final plan for our lives.  As Christians, we have the hope for the future that we will see our loved ones again. 

I trust and pray that as time goes on, your highs and lows become less extreme.  The time will come when the extremes will mellow out.  Those things which you miss, you may always miss.  But with time, you can will smile and remember the good times, the funny times and the silly times.  You may shed tears along the journey and that is so normal.   Be patient with yourself.  

Will we ever forget – no we will not.  The love you have had for your spouse will always be in your heart.  With God’s amazing grace, He is our comfort and will be our comfort.  We are all on our own path and there is not a timeline that is the same for everyone.

If your journey seems to be overwhelming, please seek council from your pastor or priest or a professional counselor.

Blessings to each of you.  May you Cherish the times you have had and feel God's arms wrapped around you.